For You, Blessed Mother

 Some Words about Me

The reason I wanted to publish “Blessed Mother” was not for financial gain, though if that happens, great! The real reason I wanted to do this book was a desire to help alleviate some of the guilt we often feel as mothers when we do things less than perfectly. Such as losing our cool and barking at our kids instead of talking to them in a calm, constructive way. Or giving them two-minute noodles or chicken nuggets for dinner because we are just so exhausted and that’s all we can manage for that day.

I wanted this book to be morale boosting and comforting in those times when we are chastising ourselves and think we are “screwing up” our kids and imagining them in therapy for years (or maybe that’s just me,) I wanted to say, “It’s OK, you are doing great! Don’t be so hard on yourself. Don’t expect yourself to be perfect and definitely don’t compare yourself to others.”

I have learnt through painful experience that our own upbringing can have an unconscious influence on how we parent our own children. We don’t mean to be less than the best parent, but human frailty will get in the way. That’s where the learning comes in. Over time, we do become a little more patient, a little more resilient, better at listening, better at communicating, better at understanding.

Even though we may have the best of parenting intentions, sometimes our past experiences can get in the way. I once read in a parenting book that said, “you never really know what sort of a temper you have until you have children.” That is the reason why I also say that “motherhood is a journey of learning, about yourself.” We will mess up, get cranky, fed up, irritated, annoyed, yell, cry, wish for 5 years, I mean, 5 minutes of peace, fantasize about the day they are grown and left home.

Why will you feel all this about your precious babies? Because you are human! With limits, and feelings and your own past traumas and hurts that you carry into every relationship, including the ones with your children. It is all part of the human experience, it is all part of the Motherhood experience, so please be patient with yourself and know you are absolutely normal and every mother has been where you are or is going to be. That is why we are a worldwide sisterhood, all on the journey together.

After becoming a mother 18 years ago and getting to see every side of motherhood, the good the bad and the ugly and after watching myself make mistakes and noticing that my children were OK in spite of all my failings and weaknesses, that they were still thriving, I wanted to tell other mothers, it’s OK, you’re doing so good, even though sometimes you may think you are not.

For example, in the book I say “You are their mother for a reason; they have lessons to learn from you , from your way of mothering , that will shape them for their purpose in life.” What I mean is, I truly believe we are all here for a specific individual purpose, we are all needed, we all have different abilities and talents, weaknesses and shortcomings. That’s how it is supposed to be, we are all equally needed, just in different ways. And that includes Fathers! Even though I don’t talk about them in the book, I recognize all those wonderful, faithful fathers out there, doing their best, in the best way they know how. They deserve a lot more credit than they get. So, to all you “Blessed Mothers”, love yourself, love your family and embrace the journey. It will all be OK.